Monday, April 23, 2007

Storm Coming

Stress is taking its toll on me these last few days. I try so hard to be positive and productive, then something happens that throws my whole world upside down.

There is a dark cloud coming. I don't think I am ready to write it down. That may make it to final. I am not ready for that. The hardest part of it all is knowing that life is always changing, and things can never stay the same. I just can't accept the inevitable truth. Not now, and probably not ever.

Friday, April 13, 2007

So...

I met with my new post transplant doctors yesterday at UofM. It was really nice. They pretty much treated me like a rockstar (thanks to dr. kirk) The doctors seemed really optimistic about pregnancy, due to my good lab work, low creatinine and good kidney function. They have a better understanding of what is involved with transplants and pregnancy and have had women there that have given birth after transplant. They did stress to me that I must be very strict with myself and follow the rules they set for me. They hooked me up with their high risk ob/gyn and I will start clomid next month. Me and Dan have decided that clomid is as far as we will go. If that doesn't work, we will start looking into adoption.

Wednesday, April 04, 2007

Pregnancy Tests

I am done taking pregnancy tests. I am just sick of seeing that negative line. I have decided to just let it be for now. I pretty much know what it is going to be every month. I don't need to see in person the proof that I suck at reproducing.

Sunday, April 01, 2007

Back From NIH

Where do I start? I got back from DC on Friday. I had to be at NIH at 7am for bloodwork. I set a record for myself. 32 vials of blood taken from one vein! Yikes! After bloodwork I had my bone density scan. That was perfect. Then I had an utlrasound of my kidney. It looked good, great blood flow and it is still the same size, which it really good. Then at 2 I met with Dr. Kirk. I love that man. We talked for about 1.5 hours about everything. He said my labs were really good. I have no viruses, infections, cancer or anything to be concerned with. My kidney function continues to be excellent, but I do have some protein in my urine, and slightly high cholesterol. He doesnt want to treat it, but instead wants me to make changes to my diet and exercise more. We talked alot about pregnancy. He seems pretty excited in helping me thru this. He has a good friend that he went to medical school with that works at UofM. He will be calling him this week and wants me to be seen by only him for all my kidney/pregnancy issues. I am so happy, because I have been having a hard time getting someone to call me back from the U. I will be starting on Clomid soon, but Dan has to get his stuff tested first. They want to make sure there is nothing wrong with his swimmers first before I go on anything. I asked him if this is wise for me to be persuing pregnancy and he said "after you have your baby, you will look back and say it was the hardest thing you have ever done" Then he said if he had any doubts about me and pregnancy, he would advise me otherwise, and he isnt. So all in all it was a great visit. I am still scared, maybe more so now, but its ok. I knew it wouldnt be easy.

Then at the end of the visit, Dr Kirk tells me he is leaving NIH, so he can take the research I was part of and bring it mainstream at a hospital in Atlanta. I pretty much lost it. Crying all over the place, making a fool of myself. He told me that I would always be his patient and I can see him in Atlanta, but it still was such a shock. He was the reason I loved NIH so much. He is by far the most amazing doctor. And he is so normal. He answers the phone when I call him, he answers every email I send him within an hour, and he always has me call him by his first name. I feel like a teenager leaving home for the first time. The thought of not having him to turn to whenever I am freaking out is so scary. I remember calling him one time right after transplant at 2am scared that something was wrong with my kidney, his words were "OK Becky, come in off the ledge, its going to be ok" I'll miss him alot.

Well, I guess I will be making an appt for Dan this week, and probably starting clomid in May.