Trying To Be Strong
Well, I am ready to talk about the storm. This is really hard for me, I hate admitting that something is wrong with someone I love, but I want to put it out there and get as many positive vibes as I can.
My dad's lung cancer has returned after 6 years cancer free. The docs originally thought that it was in his lymph nodes, and we just found out its not. Thats the good news. The bad news is, my dad is not a candidate for surgery. The tumor is what the doctors call "massive", and is surrounding his major arteries to his heart. I am freaking out, but want to be strong for him and the family. I am a better patient than I am support team member. I can go thru any test, surgery, pain and scars with a smile. But, put one person I love in the hospital and I am a basket case.
My dad is so strong. I have never given him enough credit for the wonderful dad he is. I know this sounds rude, but I have had a couple people tell me..."Oh, he is 71, he has lived such a nice long life" Whatever, 71 years isnt shit, and anyone who knows my dad knows he is one person who should live to 100. He dances at least 3-5 times a week. He teaches line dancing, and is in a band. He doesnt drink, or smoke (he quit smoking 50 years ago) and has always eaten healthy.
I want to be a positive force in his life. He will start chemo and radiation soon and I dont know what to expect. I'm so scared, and I have had a migraine since monday. Nothing makes sense to me right now, and I feel like I am crashing. I don't want it to seem like "Oh, poor, poor me" I am not the one that has to live this everyday like he does. I can't imagine what he is feeling or thinking. He always seems so upbeat. I am sure alot of that is for our benefit.
More later, my brain hurts.
My dad's lung cancer has returned after 6 years cancer free. The docs originally thought that it was in his lymph nodes, and we just found out its not. Thats the good news. The bad news is, my dad is not a candidate for surgery. The tumor is what the doctors call "massive", and is surrounding his major arteries to his heart. I am freaking out, but want to be strong for him and the family. I am a better patient than I am support team member. I can go thru any test, surgery, pain and scars with a smile. But, put one person I love in the hospital and I am a basket case.
My dad is so strong. I have never given him enough credit for the wonderful dad he is. I know this sounds rude, but I have had a couple people tell me..."Oh, he is 71, he has lived such a nice long life" Whatever, 71 years isnt shit, and anyone who knows my dad knows he is one person who should live to 100. He dances at least 3-5 times a week. He teaches line dancing, and is in a band. He doesnt drink, or smoke (he quit smoking 50 years ago) and has always eaten healthy.
I want to be a positive force in his life. He will start chemo and radiation soon and I dont know what to expect. I'm so scared, and I have had a migraine since monday. Nothing makes sense to me right now, and I feel like I am crashing. I don't want it to seem like "Oh, poor, poor me" I am not the one that has to live this everyday like he does. I can't imagine what he is feeling or thinking. He always seems so upbeat. I am sure alot of that is for our benefit.
More later, my brain hurts.
posted by Newkidney at
6:09 PM
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