Kidney Transplant and Pregnancy

Still Here...

2008-10-23T09:27:00.000-07:00

Months later, still here, no baby, no hope. That's all for now.

Life...

2007-05-28T15:47:00.000-07:00

doesn't owe me anything.

Lung Cancer...

2007-05-26T17:26:00.000-07:00

is on a rampage. Drs said if he doesnt have treatment he will not make it a year. With treatment, its a 25% chance. WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can't accept it. Never.

2007-05-26T17:21:00.000-07:00

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Got my diagnosis today at the RE. She didnt even need to do bloodwork. I took in my ovulation predictor kit (20 test strips taped together, ocd, I know) she took one look at them and said, oh no you have pcos. She said I never had a lh surge. The pcos is the reason I was having light and dark lines on every strip.

Anyways, heres the plan now. I can't take metformin due to my kidney transplant, but she said the south beach diet, and 30 minutes of exercise 5xs/week works the same. I need to take 10 days of prometrium to start my period, then on day 3 of nmp get a fasting test of all my hormone levels + glucose. Day 7-12, a sonohysterogram to check tubes, ovaries and uterus. If I get a +opk then 8 days after I will get a midluteal progesterone level. If not, then I wont. I also have to do opks and temps from now on.

On june 26th, after all bloodwork and levels are back, I will go back and discuss whats next. She said shes pretty sure it will be clomid. So, thats my story. I feel like a crazy mad scientist with all my papers and charts.

You know what the weird thing was? The whole time I was in the office listening to the doctor talk, I kept thinking "what if my baby grows up to be a serial killer?" isnt that horrible to think.

Trying To Be Strong

2007-05-19T18:09:00.001-07:00

Well, I am ready to talk about the storm. This is really hard for me, I hate admitting that something is wrong with someone I love, but I want to put it out there and get as many positive vibes as I can.

My dad's lung cancer has returned after 6 years cancer free. The docs originally thought that it was in his lymph nodes, and we just found out its not. Thats the good news. The bad news is, my dad is not a candidate for surgery. The tumor is what the doctors call "massive", and is surrounding his major arteries to his heart. I am freaking out, but want to be strong for him and the family. I am a better patient than I am support team member. I can go thru any test, surgery, pain and scars with a smile. But, put one person I love in the hospital and I am a basket case.

My dad is so strong. I have never given him enough credit for the wonderful dad he is. I know this sounds rude, but I have had a couple people tell me..."Oh, he is 71, he has lived such a nice long life" Whatever, 71 years isnt shit, and anyone who knows my dad knows he is one person who should live to 100. He dances at least 3-5 times a week. He teaches line dancing, and is in a band. He doesnt drink, or smoke (he quit smoking 50 years ago) and has always eaten healthy.

I want to be a positive force in his life. He will start chemo and radiation soon and I dont know what to expect. I'm so scared, and I have had a migraine since monday. Nothing makes sense to me right now, and I feel like I am crashing. I don't want it to seem like "Oh, poor, poor me" I am not the one that has to live this everyday like he does. I can't imagine what he is feeling or thinking. He always seems so upbeat. I am sure alot of that is for our benefit.

More later, my brain hurts.

Another Step In The Process

2007-05-15T19:20:00.000-07:00

Well, my Drs appt. went good yesterday. The doctor said my kidney transplant is the least of his worries, so that made me feel good. My blood pressure is down, but not perfect so he wants me to keep working at that. He upped my folic acid to 2 mg, and raised my bp meds. I got all the pre-pregnancy screenings for RH factor, clotting factors, Cystic fibrosis gene, and some other things I cant remember. I didn't get put on clomid, he is sending me to a reproductive endocrinologist next thursday to have my thyroid checked, and do the testing for pcos. They will be the ones to rule out any conditions that could be causing my infertility, and decide if clomid is the best route . So, one more step in this baby making process.

The Countdown Begins!!!!

2007-05-08T20:01:00.000-07:00

Oh Yeah...

2007-05-07T10:49:00.000-07:00

Appointment with high risk ob/gyn is may 14th.

Storm is still on the horizon. Just waiting to see if it gains or loses force.

Going Raw

2007-05-07T10:29:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow Harry, Willie and myself are going raw. I had Harry on a raw diet when he was a puppy, and he did so great. I have been off and on a semi-vegetarian diet for years, but It never seems to last. This time we are all going raw. The dogs will get raw meat, veggies and cooked brown rice. I am doing all raw, no meat, dairy, poultry, fish or eggs. Nothing cooked over 116 degrees. I have been wanting to try this for so long. We will see how it goes. I am following the 80-10-10.

It gets pretty expensive feeding two medium-large sized dogs raw food, but with all the recalls I just can't justify buying and feeding them that crap anymore. I still have to look into the cats diets and see if I can find a healthy raw diet for them.

I tend to start alot of things, and not finish them. This is something I am working on. I am still going to dream and think and start and fail things. I am just not going to tell anyone anymore unless I am serious. Then no one will know if I failed or not. :)

Storm Coming

2007-04-23T21:13:00.000-07:00

Stress is taking its toll on me these last few days. I try so hard to be positive and productive, then something happens that throws my whole world upside down.

There is a dark cloud coming. I don't think I am ready to write it down. That may make it to final. I am not ready for that. The hardest part of it all is knowing that life is always changing, and things can never stay the same. I just can't accept the inevitable truth. Not now, and probably not ever.

So...

2007-04-13T09:04:00.000-07:00

I met with my new post transplant doctors yesterday at UofM. It was really nice. They pretty much treated me like a rockstar (thanks to dr. kirk) The doctors seemed really optimistic about pregnancy, due to my good lab work, low creatinine and good kidney function. They have a better understanding of what is involved with transplants and pregnancy and have had women there that have given birth after transplant. They did stress to me that I must be very strict with myself and follow the rules they set for me. They hooked me up with their high risk ob/gyn and I will start clomid next month. Me and Dan have decided that clomid is as far as we will go. If that doesn't work, we will start looking into adoption.

Pregnancy Tests

2007-04-04T09:05:00.000-07:00

I am done taking pregnancy tests. I am just sick of seeing that negative line. I have decided to just let it be for now. I pretty much know what it is going to be every month. I don't need to see in person the proof that I suck at reproducing.

Back From NIH

2007-04-01T14:20:00.000-07:00

Where do I start? I got back from DC on Friday. I had to be at NIH at 7am for bloodwork. I set a record for myself. 32 vials of blood taken from one vein! Yikes! After bloodwork I had my bone density scan. That was perfect. Then I had an utlrasound of my kidney. It looked good, great blood flow and it is still the same size, which it really good. Then at 2 I met with Dr. Kirk. I love that man. We talked for about 1.5 hours about everything. He said my labs were really good. I have no viruses, infections, cancer or anything to be concerned with. My kidney function continues to be excellent, but I do have some protein in my urine, and slightly high cholesterol. He doesnt want to treat it, but instead wants me to make changes to my diet and exercise more. We talked alot about pregnancy. He seems pretty excited in helping me thru this. He has a good friend that he went to medical school with that works at UofM. He will be calling him this week and wants me to be seen by only him for all my kidney/pregnancy issues. I am so happy, because I have been having a hard time getting someone to call me back from the U. I will be starting on Clomid soon, but Dan has to get his stuff tested first. They want to make sure there is nothing wrong with his swimmers first before I go on anything. I asked him if this is wise for me to be persuing pregnancy and he said "after you have your baby, you will look back and say it was the hardest thing you have ever done" Then he said if he had any doubts about me and pregnancy, he would advise me otherwise, and he isnt. So all in all it was a great visit. I am still scared, maybe more so now, but its ok. I knew it wouldnt be easy.

Then at the end of the visit, Dr Kirk tells me he is leaving NIH, so he can take the research I was part of and bring it mainstream at a hospital in Atlanta. I pretty much lost it. Crying all over the place, making a fool of myself. He told me that I would always be his patient and I can see him in Atlanta, but it still was such a shock. He was the reason I loved NIH so much. He is by far the most amazing doctor. And he is so normal. He answers the phone when I call him, he answers every email I send him within an hour, and he always has me call him by his first name. I feel like a teenager leaving home for the first time. The thought of not having him to turn to whenever I am freaking out is so scary. I remember calling him one time right after transplant at 2am scared that something was wrong with my kidney, his words were "OK Becky, come in off the ledge, its going to be ok" I'll miss him alot.

Well, I guess I will be making an appt for Dan this week, and probably starting clomid in May.

Going To See The Docs...Finally

2007-03-13T13:52:00.000-07:00

Well, I have my date for my 5 year check-up with NIH. March 29th. I had to postpone the last trip, because of poor planning on my part. I am so excited to go and get some serious baby-making decisions made. My doctors are going to be taking my normal 25 vials of blood for all things kidney related, plus they are going to bring in a specialist to discuss our next steps in the whole pregnancy scheme. Of course I couldn't just get pregnant on my own! My poor luck supercedes all my positive thinking, but its ok, I am just anxious to get it all going in whatever direction we need to go. They also are requiring that I go to UofM for all things pregnancy related, before, during, and after because they have such and advanced transplant team, and I will be in the "high risk" pregnancy group from day one. Am I crazy??? Yup. Is it worth it??? Absolutely.

Kmart New Day, Your Way

2007-03-08T06:56:00.000-08:00

Ok, so last week I posted about wanting to lose weight and stuff. Well, 2 days after I posted that, I got an email from Kmart. I had wrote an essay about 2 months ago for a contest they were holding about "Why I Want To Lose Weight" Well, my essay way picked from 20,000 people.I am one of 160 people who won. I won $600 in diet supplies, (workout clothes, slim fast, gym membership, radio, blender, pedometer, shampoo, amkeup, ect.) and the best part is, I am now in a 16 week long contest to lose weight and get in shape. I win prizes every two weeks for making my goal weights, and if I win it all I win $10,000. Talk about motivation! It was exactly what I needed. I swear "The Secret" is the best thing that has ever happened to me. Things are just falling into place. No babies yet, but I have a feeling that is coming. One way or another.

Happy Kidney Day To Me!

2007-02-26T06:57:00.000-08:00

Well, today is my 5 year transplant anniversary! I can't believe it has been 5 years. So many great things have happened since that day, and I have my brother to thank for it all. I wonder where I would be, or if I would be if it wasn't for him? No, I can't think about that, I'll get all crazy emotional. I am just so thankful to have my life.

It's Time

2007-02-25T17:06:00.000-08:00

I have put this off for too long now. It is time for me to get my body into shape. It is starting take a toll on my sanity and my happiness. I haven't even tried to get into shape in so long. I am mad at myself for letting my body go. I hate telling people I am staring a diet, because I always end up failing. Well, this is the end of my road of lying to myself, lying to Dan and lying to anyone I ever said "I am going to get in shape". It has gotten to the point that Dan doesn't even bat and eyelash when i say it anymore, because I am sure he just thinks it's nothing but words, and i won't do anything about it. That is a hard realization, that I have been lying to everyone, especially myself. No more.

The Secret

2007-02-21T07:24:00.000-08:00

Taken from the website http://thesecret.tv/home.html

You can completely transform any relationship,no matter what it's like right now. Every single relationship you have is a reflection of how you feel inside about you. You are a magnet attracting to you all things, via the signal you are emitting through your thoughts and feelings. Every relationship you have and every interaction with every person, is a reflection of your own thoughts and feelings in that very moment.

To transform every single relationship you have in your life:

Fall in love with YOU!(you must love yourself deeply).

Make lists of hundreds and hundreds of wonderful things about you. Keep adding to it every day.

Know that you are perfect.(do not think any negative thoughts about you).

Know that you are worthy and deserving of anything and everything you could possibly want in your life.

Focus on the wonderful things in every person. Look for only those things.

Do not blame or criticize anybody, ever.

Set an intention that you are going to see the best in everything and everyone.

Make your happiness the number one thing in your life.(Happiness is an inside job.)

Free yourself of the responsibility of trying to make other people happy(respect and love them enough to allow them to take care of their own happiness).

Get your attention off those things in others that don't make you feel good.

Appreciate and love yourself in every moment you can.

Do not expect others to behave in a way you want, so you will be happy. Release yourself
forevermore and know that you alone control your happiness and it is a choice, no matter what anyone else is doing.

Love and respect yourself completely.

Know that you are PERFECT right now.

Just For You, Lisa!!!

2007-02-16T15:48:00.000-08:00

Harry Potter is coming in July!!! I am an admitted Harry Potter lover. Me and my sister Lisa have read them all, and never miss seeing the movies together on opening night. I'm not ashamed! I found this picture and had to post it for Lisa. Don't you love it, Lis.

Eva and Kayla

2007-02-16T14:09:00.000-08:00

Whenever I get down about not having kids of my own, I look at these two angels. These are my sisters girls Eva (6) and Kayla (1). They are the most beautiful, sweetest, funniest kids ever. And they love me alot, so that makes me like them even more.

Eva is doing amazing in school, reading like crazy. I went to her Valentines Day party at her school on wednesday and had the best time helping the kids, and watching her with her friends. The kids were so funny. I can't wait until I have a can experience all those things with my kids.

Kayla is so funny, she never cries and loves to snuggle. She can say dada, kitty and bark like a dog. She throws stuff constantly just to say "Uh Oh". She wants to walk, but can't just yet.

They sure make my life alot better.

Prince Harry and Prince William

2007-02-16T13:59:00.000-08:00

I couldn't find a picture of Willie, but here is a picture of Harry when he was just 11 weeks old. He was the cutest puppy ever, and continues to be a wonderful dog. If you could see him right now, he is sleeping next to me and he looks just like this picture, only 40 pounds heavier!

Beverly Poet

2007-02-09T19:38:00.000-08:00

I changed my profile to black, because that is how I am feeling today. The world lost a wonderful woman, Beverly Poet, on Saturday. She was more than just a great person. She had a way of making me feel special, beautiful, loved and important. She was an amazing writer, who could make you feel every word she wrote. She will never be gone, because she had a way of touching everybody she met. I know there is not a person who knew her who didn't feel impacted by her spirit.

Wesley Robert Riggs

2007-02-09T18:05:00.000-08:00

www.myspace.com/wes_riggs

This is my nephew Wesley. I would love for you to check out his site and get an idea of the wonderful person he was.

Pause the song and play the bottom video, it is a great tribute.

I think...

2007-01-26T19:38:00.000-08:00

I think that over-the-counter pregnancy tests have some chemical in them that makes me start me period. Never fails, I'll be one week late, or 3 days early and take a test and bam, it starts that night or the next day. I truly believe there is some vapor that rises when I pee on that stick that makes it start.

Blog, Blog, Blog

2007-01-21T15:33:00.000-08:00

My good friend Amy has given me some motivation to start writing in this again. She is also working on having a baby, she didn't have a transplant, but her road hasn't been easy either. It is so nice to have someone that understands what I am going thru, even though I wish she didn't and could have had her baby a long time ago.

I haven't really been trying to think about babies too much. I find myself getting jealous of anyone that is expecting. It seems so easy for everyone. I don't want to be bitter and that is what I am becoming. I am sick of saying the standard "we're having fun trying" and "it will happen when the time is right". How patient can one be?

Next month I go for my 5 year transplant check-up. 5 years! Holy smokes! I can't believe it has been so long. Anyway, we will talk to the doctors about all our problems. They are refering me to a specialist at the University of Michigan. Someone who knows all about transplants and pregnancy. So, we'll see.

Bitterness aside life is good. Me and Dan are great, my family is healthy and I have great friends...blah, blah, blah, I WANT A BABY! Just kidding, life's good.

No babies yet :(

2006-12-02T07:53:00.000-08:00

No updates in quite awhile. We have been so busy with the holidays and such. Still trying to get pregnant with no luck. I am bummed. Dan takes it all in stride. It aggravates me that he is so calm every month when we get that negative sign on the pregnancy test. I am a basket case every month and he just says "next month baby". How do men do it? Then I get mad and tell him he doesn't care, and we argue for a minute before I realize I am crazy and we start trying again. I guess I wouldn't be so anxiousw if it wasn't for the transplant and feeling like I am on borrowed time. Stress always makes me want to eat too, so I have gained some weight which is driving me crazy. That's all I need is for someone to ask me if I am pregnant before I'm pregnant! I think I would have to be admitted for sure.

Anyways, other that that life is great. Dan really is my greatest support system. He is too easy on me and he puts up with too much. I did surprise him and buy us a one week trip to Mexico. We leave Monday! Then I won $4,000 at the Casino in October and was able to pay the whole trip off on my own. So, I really can't complain. No babies, but I still have a wonderful life.

This one has nothing to do with transplants or pregnancy!

2006-07-25T12:30:00.000-07:00

OK, so my new obsession to forget about every stress in my life is Big Brother: All Stars. I have watched other shows, but never got obsessive about it, they were cool but no big deal. This year I am nuts over it. Love it, love it, love it. I have never seen so many disfunctional people in my life. I could never be on a show like that ever because I hate living drama, but I love watching drama. Reality TV makes me feel so great about myself, my problems... nothing compared to what these people have going on. Kaysar is my pick to win, he is sincere and seems pretty honest, but I have always been a Dr. Will lover so I wouldnt be sad to see him stay for awhile.

This kind of sucks! Stay positive!

2006-07-24T11:26:00.000-07:00

Ok, so my transplant doctors have switched my medications. I was previously on Rapamune 2 mg, and they have switched me to 5 mg Prograf. All the side effects from the Rapa are gone (joint pain, digestive problems, ect.) but I have been getting severe migraines. The kind that make you sick to your stomach and sensitive to light. I am trying to stay positive and hopefully it will slowly get better. I just keep telling myself it is worth it. " You can do it!"

Everything else is goind well though, no problems. We are just getting anxious to be able to start trying for baby. :) My husband Dan takes that job very seriously. ;) I just hope it doesnt take too long after we start trying.

First Post

2006-07-17T08:09:00.000-07:00

Hello, My name is Rebecca. I am starting this blog to be able to release some of the stresses and frustration I have had, and also to document my journey thru the pre-pregnancy, pregnancy, and post pregnancy. I had my kidney transplant on 2/26/02. I have just gotten the go ahead from the doctors to start trying for a baby. I am 28, and my husband is 30, so it is time. Getting pregnant after my transplant probably wont be easy. I know this and accept it. But I really want to try. Being a mother is so important to me.